Birthday Hues

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This year, my birthday did not suck; well, I was enervated by the time my 24 hours drew to a close, but I wouldn't equate fatigue on the birthday with birthday blues, for, trust me, I've seen varying shades of blues on my birthdays, so consistently every year, that I, the rational being, believed my birthdays were jinxed in one way or the other.

Being the thoughtful, analytical thinker that I am, I attempted introspection - in the middle of the night a day after my birthday. How is it possible that every year my birthday sucked at least for a little while during the day, regardless of how fabulous the rest of the day went, while this year, when I attended office on my birthday and worked my fingers to the bone, even though my birthday wasn't wonderful in the conventional sense of the word (no flowers! Alas! I miss those the most, not only on my birthday, but everyday, no BIG surprises and no presents), my day was great in an unconventional way, my happiness unadulterated. I wondered why my birthday rainbow was streaked with shades of happiness, joy, surprise, gratitude and laughter, while missing the colour most conspicuous by its absence, for I had come to expect my birthday happiness curve to hit the trough at least once during the day, since that's been the trend for as many years as I can remember.
And then I had an epiphany. While every year on my birthday, I counted on others for my happiness (parents, friends, special someone) to send me flowers, cakes, presents etc. etc., fostering high expectations, the fulfilment of which I had absolutely no control over and hence was invariably let down when someone I cared about did not toe the unyieldingly straight and indelible line of my expectations (don't blame my friends at all, for they did their best to please me; I was the one responsible for expecting a Princess-like treatment on my day, all day long), this year, I put all my eggs in one basket - mine. I decided to begin the year on a happy note, for I had to reward myself for a year well spent, and although it was wonderful to have my friends and loved ones bring me a cake and call me to wish me and try to make me feel special, and I am grateful to everybody who wished me, I know why I was really happy this time. This year, I found me.

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Comments

  1. vivekMarch 28, 2009 at 6:38 AM

    I guess its not just with birthdays, its the same for life in general - have no expectations, there will be no disappointments. But then, thats easier said than done.
    Have you ever tried celebrating your bday by giving instead of expecting, for a change? Like maybe sponsoring lunch for all the kids at a local NGO or orphange. I have been doing for the last few bdays(after being suggested this idea by a friend) and believe me, there is no other satisfaction that can match that - it makes up for all the poeple who forgot to wish you or whatever, and you really feel content with yourself. BTW, belated birthday wishes! :-)

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  2. Kanika GuptaApril 19, 2009 at 9:31 AM

    Thank you Varun. And you're absolutely right about different people finding happiness in different things. Like Vivek says in his comment, he finds happiness in helping the downtrodden on his birthday, while I, in my accomplishments. The important thing is to know what makes you happy and then go for it.

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  3. vivekApril 25, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    Absolutely agree that its all about finding what makes one happy and going all out to achieve that.
    No updates for quite some time... like Varun said, you do have a talent with words, which is why i keep visiting your blog. Do post some musings soon...cheers!

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  4. shaktiApril 30, 2009 at 11:26 PM

    hey.. guess i missed it while i was away and good lord look at the forum i am wishing you on...nice one.. i realised that a few bdays back u know.. can so much relate to it:) have a great year blogging!

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  5. Kanika GuptaMay 1, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    Hey thanks Shakti.. :)

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